I remember sitting in the waiting room at my very first doctor’s appointment, and thinking, I just know I’m going to have to have a caesarean section. It’s funny how sometimes we just know things about ourselves…
Time passed, and eventually the conversation came up around my wishes for our birth. My wishes were simple: a safe birth, a healthy birth. But deep down, I truly wanted a natural birth, as though it would somehow empower me in my motherhood journey, as though it would prove something to myself… and maybe even to the world. Perhaps I needed to prove my strength. I’m not entirely sure. I suppose I felt that if I could push a baby out naturally, no fear would ever again have power over me.
I kept telling my doctor that, if at all possible, I didn’t want to have an emergency c-section. If there was any risk, I wanted to know up front and make an informed, safe decision. I already knew. I’m not sure why I even doubted it because I knew what the outcome would be.
At 36 weeks, it was decided: if I hadn’t gone into labour naturally, I would have a planned caesarean at 39 weeks. My birth canal was tiny. I was already in significant discomfort, and my baby was measuring close to 4kg. The emotions that came with that decision were overwhelming. I had to surrender everything I had believed about life and about how we are supposed to enter this world.
I’d always believed that babies come when they are ready, that it’s not up to us to decide the when or the how. Would her birth date be altered? Would it affect her life… her path? But the truth is this: everything happens as it should. Let that sink in… everything happens as it should. There are no accidents or mistakes in this life, only lessons meant to grow us, shape us, and be shared with the world.
1. Time — Time to plan and prepare my body and mind for a birth that was so magical. Time to talk to my baby about what was to come. To prepare her, calm her, and welcome her with open arms into this world.
2. Energetic Alignment — The chance to align the perfect team to carry me through the birthing experience: the doctors, nurses, anaesthetist, and paediatrician. Each one played their role like musicians in a perfect symphony.
3. Space — Space to meditate, to pray, to reflect, to grieve, to receive, to calm, to simply be everything I needed to be.
The day before my daughter was born, I couldn’t stop crying. It felt like I’d come to the end of a long marathon. We had been through so much together during our pregnancy. I couldn’t believe we were finally at the end, that I would soon get to meet her and hold her in my arms. I spent the day in quiet reflection, meditation, and preparing a special playlist for her arrival.
In the morning when we arrived at the hospital, I was filled with nervous energy, and yet, an inner calm and peace washed over me. I knew everything would be okay. Everything was exactly as it was meant to be.
We checked in and waited our turn to go into theatre. My husband and I chatted about the life-changing moment that lay ahead. He prayed over us — for our safety, our health, and that our birth would be filled only with joy. And it was.
I was wheeled into theatre with my husband by my side. I met the team who would carry me through one of the most life-altering moments of my life. It felt like an orchestra preparing for a performance, bright lights, focused energy, and a beautiful sense of purpose. My gynaecologist, who I already knew was incredible, greeted me warmly and reassured me that everything was ready to go as planned.
I met my anaesthetist as I entered the theatre. He would be taking care of me during the birth, and wow, I couldn’t have asked for a better human being.
But birth is unpredictable, even when we take every step to ensure the best possible outcome. My spinal block didn’t take, and I needed to go under general anaesthetic. I had always hoped to be conscious for the birth, and if you remember… my one request had been to avoid an emergency caesarean. But strangely, a calmness came over me. I looked at my husband and said, I’m going to have a full anaesthetic today.
The anaesthetist sympathised with me deeply and offered such incredible kindness. He explained everything gently and promised he would wake me up as soon as possible so I could meet our daughter. I looked at my husband and smiled. He would be the first to meet our sweet baby girl. He would be the only conscious parent in the room. It felt like so much to carry in that moment, but I knew he would be okay, and so would I.
Soon, I drifted into a beautiful slumber. Though I wasn’t conscious, I was still present. My anaesthetists spoke to me every step of the way, adjusting my medication as needed when my blood pressure rose. I felt held, even in my unconsciousness.
Then came the moment of joy. Our baby girl was about to take her first breath.
The anaesthetist told my husband he was allowed to kiss me on the forehead because I was still in the room, and still with him. How incredibly beautiful and kind.
He then whispered in my ear that I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. That moment, that act of kindness I will never forget.
Some of the anaesthetic had been passed on to our daughter, and it took her a little while to come around. But our incredible paediatrician worked gently with her andreassured my husband that she would be just fine. They gave her a little oxygen and placed her in the incubator.
I was none the wiser in that moment, but I am now, and forever grateful.
I woke up with searing pain through my lower abdomen. There is no birth without pain… just as there is no joy without hardship. The pain was intense, but then I got to meet my sweet baby girl. I cried, we cried… we all cried.
How can one not cry when holding this perfect little being you’ve created?
We were wheeled back to the ward. My husband made his first parenting decision to be with our daughter on her journey back to our room. I was so proud of him. His strength. His courage. I always knew he would be a great dad. So many lessons from my own life made sense in this moment. I was in good hands with the nurses.
That’s when life truly began | That’s when I became | That’s when love took on a whole new meaning.
My baby cried. I reassured her that she was safe. She knew my voice. And the rest is history.
There was so much love. So much joy.
And our birth, in all its unpredictability, all its raw beauty was every bit as perfect in its imperfection.
Surrendering the birth, I thought I wanted gave me the birth I needed. Letting go and trusting isn’t always easy, but we are always divinely guided. Listen to your body and your baby, they will talk to you.
2. There is Beauty in the Unplanned
Life rarely follows the script we write for it. And yet, some of the most beautiful moments are born from the unknown. Embrace the mess. Embrace the mystery and know that everything is as it should be and there will be a lesson it.
3. You Are Not Less Because It Was Different
There is no “right” way to give birth. Every birth is sacred. Every mother is powerful, whether she pushes, is cut, or let’s go. You are whole. You are worthy. You are enough.
4. Pain and Joy Can Coexist together
One doesn’t cancel out the other. The deepest joy I’ve ever known came right after the most intense pain, not just through birth but throughout many life experiences. This is the human experience and it’s nothing short of miraculous. Light always follows the darkness.
5. The Power of Support is Everything
From the medical team to my husband’s presence and prayers, this birth reminded me that we are not meant to walk alone. Motherhood is not meant to be done in isolation. Lean in. Accept help. Let others hold you when you can’t hold yourself.
6. Love Isn’t Always Loud – Sometimes It Whispers
A forehead kiss. A whispered “you did it.” A quiet cry. These moments may seem small, but they are the heartbeat of what matters most.
6. Everything Happens as It Should
And when we truly believe that… we can find peace even in the most unexpected chapters of our lives.